2023 Year-End Review

Note: This is a translation of my Chinese year-end review. I wrote it in Chinese because I wanted to express my thoughts more accurately. I’ve translated it into English using Gemini Flash 2.0 to share with more people. I hope you can understand and forgive any awkwardness in the translation.

The weirdest feeling I had this year was probably when people asked my age.

“How old are you?”

I’d always pause and think, “Hmm…” I knew I was somewhere in my 20s, felt like maybe 22 or 23. But just saying “about twenty” felt too vague, so I had to actually remember my birthday and do the math. It always took like 3-5 seconds to figure out I’m actually 21.

Honestly, my sense of age was all messed up this year. I often felt like I was already 23 or 24. I guess I was thinking about the future way too much.

2023 was just packed with experiences, way more than any year I’ve ever lived, both physically and mentally.

Spring Semester of Junior Year (Jan 1 - May 12)

Back then, I had three main goals:

• Ace my college courses (aka GPA war!)
• Pass my language tests (TOEFL)
• Find a summer internship

College Courses

Picking classes was the first big deal. After seeing how insane the workload at UCB could be in the first semester, I played it safe this time. I initially signed up for CS 188, Machine Learning – supposedly the hardest undergrad course at UCB, just to see what it was like. After the first homework, I bailed fast. I knew that with my limited talent, if I took that course, I wouldn’t achieve any of my goals. So I chickened out and dropped it.

In the end, I went with CS 61B, CS 61C, and Data 100. A manageable workload, all things considered.

CS 61B felt more like a basic Java and algorithm course for me. I brushed up on my data structures knowledge, which helped a lot with the internship hunt. It wasn’t even a course that would transfer back to ECNU for credit. Professor Josh Hug is truly top-tier when it comes to teaching, though. One funny moment was during a guest lecture when they were discussing tech companies. When it came to money and workload, everyone pointed to ByteDance. But when asked for examples of engagement-generating apps, a bunch of people shouted out Genshin Impact! 🤣

Overall, it was a smooth experience. I almost got an A+, but I kind of slacked off on the extra credit parts of the later projects. (Oops!)

Then there was CS 61C, classic computer architecture. Spent most of my time writing assembly code. My university didn’t offer anything like this, so I discovered that maybe 60% of the content was covered in Digital Circuits (100%), Operating Systems (20%), Parallel Programming (100%), and Computer Systems (80%). I had forgotten most of that stuff, so it was like a refresher course for me. Later on, we even got to build a simplified CPU, which was really helpful for understanding the underlying stuff.

Sadly, I bombed the exams in this course… I thought the midterm went horribly, but I actually did okay. I figured if I could just do as well on the final, I’d get an A. But the final exam was super obscure, like brain-teaser stuff. And I had the CS 61B exam at 8 AM that day, so my brain was fried when I took 61C in the afternoon. But mostly, I’m just bad. I didn’t even get the average score. Last year, I barely scraped a B+ in CS 170, but at least I was one or two points above average. 🤣

I ended up getting an A- by the skin of my teeth – 0.09 points to be exact! Thanks, 61C TAs! ❤️ Love you all!

Data 100 was like an upper-level intro to data science. Learned a bunch of Python libraries for data analysis and visualization, SQL, and basic machine learning principles. It was pretty easy overall, but the knowledge seemed really useful. The professors were really dedicated too. I picked the class partly because there weren’t many other courses to choose from and partly because I thought it might help with my data science master’s applications later.

One achievement that I never saw coming was acing one of the projects – ranked 2/971! 🤣

All in all, my year at UCB was most important for restoring my confidence. It was the most comfortable academic year I’ve had. The biggest thing I learned was that they actually mean it when they say, “We want you to succeed.” It’s reflected in their teaching methods, not just empty words.

Language Tests (TOEFL)

I started studying for the TOEFL as soon as I got back from Hawaii in January. Little did I know, I was about to go through a nightmare.

I was feeling pretty good at first, thinking that living in a completely English-speaking environment for almost half a year would have improved my listening, speaking, reading and writing skills. I got a 91 on my first mock test on Sept. 24 (Reading: 24, Listening: 23, Speaking: 22, Writing: 22), how hard could it be? So I signed up for the Feb 4 test and practiced every day.

Then came Feb 4. The TOEFL puts the Reading and Listening parts first, and I actually felt pretty good about it. Especially reading – when I finished, I felt unsure about only 2 or 3 questions, and I thought I’d nailed a 27+.

After the test, you can immediately see your Reading and Listening scores. I confidently clicked “view score”, and then there were two 24s… In the end, I got a 95 (Reading: 24, Listening: 24, Speaking: 21, Writing: 26)

“Same reading score as before without any preparation. And my speaking dropped?”

I didn’t think much of it, and just thought that it came down to luck and my condition that day. “Hey, the TOEFL is a professional English exam, unlike English on the standardized tests in middle and high school, it should reflect my English level correctly – how is it possible for my reading and speaking scores to regress after half a year in America?”

So on Feb. 4, I got home at noon and immediately booked another test for March 4, thinking I’d smash the damn TOEFL this time. In the month that followed, I intensified my reading and speaking training.

Until March 4 came around. The first thing was I rested badly. When I woke up at 6:20 that morning, I knew that the day was going to go bad. I took a cab to the test site, and there were an unusual number of people lining up to get in. In my two previous tests, I had gotten to the test site at 7:15, sat down at 7:30, but this time, I waited until 8:30, and was one of the last people to get in. After getting in, I started on the reading, and saw that the timer said 72min – I drew the extra section of the test. I forced myself to quickly get into test-mode, but unfortunately, I was unsure about the first two questions and took 6 minutes… That’s when my mentality completely broke.

Yes, it was all too funny. The reading portion had been going on for less than 10 minutes, and I had already realized that I was completely doomed… I was experiencing a mix of complicated emotions. My thoughts were like a montage from my entire life. I relived memories like the fear of tests in elementary school, the despair I felt with the last 10 minutes of the middle school math exam, and the time that I submitted a blank test because I broke during a chemistry mock exam before college. Intermixed in all that was the fear of my uncertain future, and a stifling feeling that completely overwhelmed me. I just wanted to get those four hours over with.

So it wasn’t a surprise when I got a 20 on reading. My final score was a 92 (Reading: 20, Listening: 26, Speaking: 25, Writing: 21)

There were good things, too. My listening and speaking practices really paid off. I felt like I was spewing garbage for the speaking section, but my writing regressed – probably because I haven’t kept up the practice. If I did more practice, it should get better.

So I adjusted myself, and scheduled the third test of the year for Apr 1. The process was similar to the second time. I was confident before and during the test – but the results were straight garbage. I got a 96 on the Apr 1 test – still less than 100.

I completely broke down in early April. And then I started thinking about my life. I came to the conclusion that: trying to do everything isn’t realistic. At that time, I had to juggle my university studies, look for an internship, participate in a research project at ECNU, and take language tests.

My capabilities obviously weren’t enough to handle everything well. If I wanted to reap benefits from everything, I couldn’t put 100% of my effort into each one. （If I could, I should’ve been able to attend one of China’s top tier universities from the start)

But the thing is, I’m not the smartest, most talented kid, or the try-hard who can schedule everything. And English has always been my worst subject since elementary school. Everyone in those application experience write-ups say that getting 100+ on the TOEFL is easy, but they all excelled in English since high school.

Coming back to reality, there aren’t many CS programs that require 100+ on the TOEFL. I should be able to get good grades in Berkeley, but with the “unique” GPA calculation at my university, the schools that need 100+ likely aren’t somewhere I can go. And getting above 90 should be good enough. I’m also mostly looking at universities in Canada. Also, wasting time and money on this kind of standardized test doesn’t seem very cost-effective when you consider the marginal cost.

In short, I immediately quit the remote research project at ECNU, and scheduled the last test for May 6. I again reviewed my past failures, kept practicing, and recalled the test-taking techniques and methods I learned in high school to adjust my mindset. Whatever the results, I won’t be taking any more language tests.

Sadly, there was no miracle on May 6. I was well rested and had tried my best, but I still only got a 96. My reading score still didn’t break 25.

Looking back on this at the end of the year, it’s hard to describe it as a success or failure. The real reason I couldn’t get 100 was that I didn’t have a reason to get 100+. I don’t have anything to regret, though.

Internship Search

Internships are important – that’s the conventional wisdom when applying to course-based master’s programs in CS. So from January on, I was constantly sending my resume to different companies.

At first, I was aiming for any developer position, both domestically and internationally. Then, after doing a little bit of research, I realized that domestic Internet companies’ summer internships are all about finding full-time employees, and I didn’t have time to study for leetcode and memorize all the interview questions. Also, the tests always follow the time schedule in China, so I had to stay up late to take them. So I started to target SDE internships at foreign companies – this would probably be the most helpful for my applications, and the experience should be helpful for my resume. So I applied to basically every foreign company that hired SDE interns in China. I was hoping to do well on the OA and get into the interview process.

The Internet winter also affected internship positions in 2023 – but I was already looking for success if I could just find an internship, so it was okay. You know, it’s not like I had the skills to intern at Microsoft (which had a hiring freeze🤣)/Google/Apple. So the entire process was probably more about gaining experience. I did have a few interviews. One of them was at an ad tech company. The OA was easy, and I got a HR interview completely in English. The HR person was based in Hong Kong, and I saw on LinkedIn that she had 8000 followers…

In the interview, she asked me, “Why do you want to pursue a career in software engineering?” Me: blablabla…and build something that impacts the world and makes the world better! HR: “What exactly would you like to build to impact the world?” Me: …good question…emm…well…basically…for example…uh…

At that point, I knew I was done for. And of course, I never got the chance to interview with the technical team…

That was a good question, though. Looking back at the end of the year, I didn’t have a good, well-thought-out answer because I lacked any understanding of what I wanted to do with my degree and career.

I had a few other interviews and phone calls, but none of them led to anything. And once the interviewer wanted me to share my screen to write code after the introduction. Ultimately there weren’t many options for foreign companies. I found an internship after coming back to China, and thankfully Ericsson took me in. I’m pretty satisfied with that.

May 12, 2023 UC Berkeley

Summer (May 13 - Sep 10)

Back to Wayland

Something I had been planning for a long time. I spent the most unforgettable two months of my life in Wayland from Sep 2017 to Nov 2017. I didn’t think it was that different at the time. I remember that my dad told me, “This experience will change you” and I was indifferent. After walking step by step to where I am today, I realized that it actually changed me. During that time, I had just entered high school. I had no academic stress or worries about the future. The days were easy, pleasant, and laid-back. It was the last time in my life when it was okay to say I was living in “youth.”

It’s a strange feeling, difficult to put into words. From the beach where I used to play volleyball, to the school entrance, through the forest to Forest Street, from the winding mountain roads to my front door, everything was familiar.

I’m a little ashamed to say it, but the two hours of conversation I had with the Smith family was the most fluent English I’ve spoken in the last nine months. I felt like I had a 28 on the TOEFL speaking section. It seemed like I could describe anything I wanted. Maybe speaking English really has to do with your mindset.

We talked a lot about the past, our experiences studying in China and America, and some life anecdotes. My sibling Juliette followed her heart and studied biology (when she studied in Beijing in 2018, she said that she wanted to study biology, and she fulfilled her wish. That’s great!). Her younger sister is studying physics. Strangely, only the dad in the Smith family has been to California. The others haven’t been there. （Are there really people who don’t like the climate and vibes in the West Coast?🤔️） But thinking about it, I haven’t even been to Guangzhou, so I guess it’s normal.

Ericsson Internship

The start date was originally June 13, but I got COVID after a get-together in early June, so it was delayed to June 19. I mainly participated in two of their internal innovation projects. One was 3gpp explorer, which was developing a site for viewing protocols online, based on Vue and Django (a week of Django cramming). I single-handedly took charge of the other, and developed a tool for one of the teams to generate reports from Log files. The workload was actually pretty heavy. But because it fit really well with my previous experiences, and because I’m pretty good at GPT4 prompt engineering, I didn’t run into any problems. I got a deeper understanding of Python and Vue. (It’s a shame I didn’t try React though.)

Ericsson’s work environment and management style are pretty much the same as abroad (except for the number of holidays lol). It felt really humane. They let us work from home one day a week, no need to punch in and out, etc. I saw that most of the employees had high levels of education （At least from a 985 university). Also, there were a lot of people who didn’t like their previous work environment and came from Huawei and other big Internet companies.

I also met Congyi, a coworker on the same level as me from UW HCI. He lived near me in Putuo, and wanted to go to🇨🇦 Canada as well, and was also considering SFU. So we were like two peas in a pod. I wish him success.

I also want to thank my manager and all the coworkers I met. They were really nice and gave me a lot of help.

Fall Semester of Senior Year (Sep 11 - Dec 31)

College Courses

I still had to take a few core courses because I needed to make up some core courses from junior year. Some of the more important ones: Object Oriented Analysis and Design, Compiler Principles, Software Testing. Because the GPA didn’t matter anymore, there wasn’t much pressure taking them, and they weren’t that hard. Teacher Sun, who taught software testing, was really responsible. It would’ve been nice if she taught some of the core courses in freshman and sophomore year.

Canada UARE

This semester, I also applied for the university’s winter vacation research project with 🇨🇦 Canada’s University of Alberta, from January to April. I actually applied to the summer 2023 project in Oct 2022, but I didn’t have international grades and valid internship experience at that time, so I didn’t get an offer. I wanted to try again if I had the chance in my senior year. So when the school’s foreign exchange website posted the registration information on August 21, I applied ASAP, and got the materials prepared that day.

The information on the UofA website for each project was pretty lacking, and there weren’t even any professor names. By mid-September, I was browsing the mitacs (another research route in Canada) project list out of boredom, and I accidentally found this project, as well as more descriptions and the professor’s contact information. I took a look, and it seemed like a good fit for my background, and I wanted to do this kind of engineering project. Then I went to Rate My Professor and the professor’s ratings were really high, so I quickly started emailing him:

I was very happy for a few days, and started the long wait. The UofA website said that offers would start being sent in October, but there were no results by mid-November. I communicated with the professor and the school a few times (pretty annoying). The professor gave me very short replies, like

“Nothing from my side. Good luck.“

”I am not responsible of the process.“

I was a little down those weeks. The change in my emotions was pretty big. So when I called my parents on the 9th, I told them that the project probably wasn’t going to work out, and started《My Confessions》:

1. The project only works with Qinghua, Zheda, Fudan, and ECNU in China. Why would they pick me when they could pick the top 3 schools?
2. My first goal was to see different places rather than “dedicate myself to research” (the project was an engineering project), my motives aren’t pure.
3. …

And then I received the offer on the 10th. At first, they sent a handbook with things to note. I calmed down and thought they sent it by mistake, and sent an email. Then they confirmed that I was accepted.

Next was to find a place to live. I rented a room from a Dutch homeowner on Airbnb, and bought a plane ticket for January 17. Then was the long wait to get the materials to get my visa. Two people in the past took 2 months and 4 months respectively. I was pretty lucky and got it in 10 days. Hehe.

Later: I found out that you can’t miss ⅓ of the class in the second round of course selection in December, so I can only be on-site from January to March. What a tragedy😭

Application Season

It was obvious that applications are the most important thing this semester, more so than school. I had been preparing for this moment ever since I decided to study abroad in sophomore year.

The global economy in 2022-2023 wasn’t very optimistic. Things were not good for people in general. The Internet/Tech industry was even worse. But I’m pretty good at cheering myself up, and I think the situation is letting me think more deeply and honestly. If all choices are equally bad, then I might as well pick the one that’s the best fit for me. It’s not like the past few years, when there was an obviously superior choice – in that case, there’s no choice.

I didn’t listen to the agencies when I applied. I applied to mostly dream schools and schools that are a reach. The schools I picked were based on my own thoughts, and I didn’t compromise for anything. The main reason was that I prepared for a GAP year (see the end).

In short, I thought and researched a lot this semester. I want to summarize my mindset when everything is finalized because I should have a lot to write about at that time…

Also, some Canadian universities need you to cold email professors, even if it’s course-based/project-based master’s degree. So when I had free time, I would pick professors and send them emails. With the help of GPT4, writing an email became very efficient. At first, I wasn’t very good at it, and I accidentally sent a draft of my resume in the first email… But I later became good at it. I got a few responses, but there hasn’t been any real progress yet, so I’m just playing it cool.

Random Thoughts and the GAP Plan?

I was in Beijing for less than a month in 2023, and I won’t be spending the Chinese New Year in China for the second time in a row next year. It’s like I’ve already started living a life of drifting around.

This year, my criteria for making decisions were: I want to see the world as much as possible.

When I think about it, a lot of the drive that carries me forward comes from my curiosity of what’s far away. I came to East China Normal University because I was curious about Shanghai since middle and high school. I went to UC Berkeley because I was curious about the West Coast. And now, I feel like I’m curious about everything in the world.

In the day-to-day thoughts and preparation of application season, I was feeling very strongly that if I go to North America for a master’s degree and get a job without really knowing what I want, and progress through the SDE career path, I definitely won’t be able to achieve what I want to achieve.

“Can I gap or defer a year to see the world?”

I suddenly had this idea one night.

Just travelling doesn’t sound very appealing. How about a research intern? No need to consider lodging, some amount of income, can meet more interesting people and experience more interesting things, and also be helpful to career development?

So I researched international research programs: Japan, Saudi Arabia, Finland, Austria, Australia, Germany, Switzerland, New Zealand, Taiwan, Hong Kong… There are actually some suitable programs that aren’t well-known on the Chinese Internet. I’ll apply to what I can. If I can’t apply to anything, I’ll just let myself loose for a year.

2024 Good Luck～